Get a Healthy Work-Life Balance #1
Being kind to ourselves is something that many of us need help with. Every week, I’ll write a blog on this topic from a different angle. It’s intended to be thought-provoking, fun and to give you tips.
And it’s interactive. So I’d love to hear your own ideas and experiences on the topic on social media.
Today, we start to look at getting a Healthy Work-Life Balance. It’s not an exhaustive discussion about all the various reasons why we can fall into the traps of overworking. But instead, I’ll outline some experiences and pitfalls, to give ideas of how you might get a good balance. And how coaching helps with this.
Part 1 - Dealing with External pressures
There are many reasons why we may not have a healthy work-life balance, which tend to fall within two groups…
· External pressures that other people and work systems put on us
· Internal pressures that we put on ourselves.
It’s often a mix of the two together that impacts on us. It can make it hard to understand and deal with.
Examples of overworking due to External pressures I outline below include…
1. An unrealistic volume of work that can’t be completed
2. A culture of overworking in the workplace
3. Demanding or disorganised colleagues or customers
4. A need to work more due to financial pressure
5. A family dynamic of overworking
6. Lack of clarity about boundaries for Hybrid working (a blend of home and office) - covered separately in a future blog.
In my career I’ve gone through periods of over-working myself, due to both external and internal pressures. In both cases, the solution came in 3 stages…
a) First, I needed to admit that there was a problem
b) Next, I became more conscious of the part I was playing, in both cases. I realised that I had a choice of how I responded
c) Then, I had to be determined to make changes.
How can coaching help?
Coaching can help you to address overworking, and other similar situations where you feel ‘stuck’ in patterns of behaviour. We can describe our circumstances to justify ourselves and say that we don’t have a choice – that ‘it’s just the way it is’.
Coaching gives you permission to look at things in a new way, at what might be possible. Once you recognise that your attitude or approach may be part of the problem, you can empower yourself to do things differently.
Within a few sessions, you’ll start to see your situation, and even yourself in a very different way. In coaching, you don’t need to get caught up in analysing the situation. Often we don’t even spend much time going over ‘the problem’. We just go straight to imagining the solution and the steps to get there. It’s all about looking ahead to your better future.
While I will give ideas and tips, there is no simple formula to this. Everyone is unique – in their backgrounds, their values, their strengths and their desires. And coaching honours this, supporting you to explore, set and achieve your unique goals. That’s what makes coaching so new and exciting!
Ways to respond well to External work pressures
1. Work out the important tasks – and just do those
In 2014, I landed my dream job. For my induction, I was shown around the London HQ. Everyone was friendly and welcoming. One person in my team took me aside and gave me the most useful advice that helped me throughout my work there…
“No-one does all the work that’s thrown at them here, even if they say that they do. It would take twice your hours to do that! So just work out the important tasks and do those. Leave the rest – it will sort itself out!”
After I was given this early ‘heads up’, I was able to regularly apply this valuable advice. The trick is to accurately work out what is important, and what is not.
Clients often report that they have an unrealistic volume of work that can’t be completed in their hours. Some feel that they don’t have the freedom to only do the important tasks in their role. They have the option to speak to their manager or union rep to address this. Employers have a duty of care to their employees. So they have a duty to consider flexibility around hours, tasks or adaptations to support them. Some clients simply get another job, somewhere with a workload that is manageable and with better terms.
2. Challenge the work culture
Several of my clients moved jobs to join an organisation claiming to have great values, and promoting staff well-being. When they joined the reality was sometimes very different. They discovered that the image that had been sold to them was untrue. These clients had done their homework and some had even visited the new workplace before starting. But existing staff working in a toxic culture are unlikely to tell you not to join them “because it’s awful here!”
These clients had the courage to leave this new toxic work culture very quickly. There are websites where employees anonymously review their own company (e.g. glassdoor.co.uk and other sites). This helps you to check out before joining, although again you’re relying on staff openness.
Most organisations aren’t quite that deceptive or toxic. But sometimes, due to new management or a slow decline in culture, work demands start to increase on staff. One organisation I worked for made some positive changes. They introduced new workplace values and consulted staff about how the organisation could promote a good work-life balance. Staff answered that the senior management should stop emailing staff about routine matters at evenings and weekends! This gave staff the impression that they were expected to respond out of hours, interrupting their time off. Agreements and systems were then put in place to stop these out-of-hours demands made by senior staff, unless there was a crisis.
Some work roles are seen as a vocation or even as a calling. I’m thinking of nurses, doctors, carers, paramedics, people in religious organisations, teachers and so on. Too often they tell me that they feel that their employers take advantage or their calling and treat them poorly. Those who are treated like this can remind themselves that they do have a choice. Many decide to leave to do something else.
3. Demanding or disorganised colleagues or customers
Some colleagues we work with can be disorganised, leaving things to the last minute. This puts pressure on us to 'rescue them' from their chaos.
One course trainer, shared that she’d managed a colleague like this, putting her under a huge amount of pressure. She admitted her boundaries hadn’t been good, flipping between rescuing them sometimes and not rescuing at others, giving mixed messages. Then on a Friday afternoon, just before the trainer was leaving work for a weekend away, this staff member came to them in a panic asking for help. On this occasion the trainer couldn’t help, politely explaining this. But the staff member became more strident, and then emotional, putting them under huge pressure.
In that moment, the trainer had a moment of clarity. They told the staff member that she simply couldn’t stop and help this time…
“Quite honestly, we’ve spoken about this pattern of behaviour numerous times now. Your lack of planning is not my emergency! You can either do this yourself or it can wait until Monday.”
The trainer then left for their weekend away.
When Monday came they were both able to sit down and have a honest and supportive conversation. The staff member said they’d heard the definite ‘no’ from the trainer. The clarity, simplicity and bluntness of what they said struck home. They had to take responsibility for themselves. They decided to have coaching, helping them to change the way that they related to their work and their colleagues. The trainer said that being direct and blunt was ‘scary’ for her, but they knew that it was the right thing. And their working relationship improved massively after this.
4. A need to work more due to financial pressures
Many of us are feeling the pinch of the cost of living crisis. One simple answer is for people to work overtime or increase their contracted hours to increase their pay. In some companies this isn’t possible. For some staff it isn’t possible for them due to other commitments. And it may not be sustainable for staff in the long-term.
Clients that come for coaching want to invest in themselves and progress in their career. They often choose to make a move to a different department with better prospects. Or to a better company on better terms that suit them. They decide to undergo training to progress for a promotion. Some clients have decided on a complete career change, for more satisfaction, a new challenge and better pay. And some have set up their own businesses or take up other work as a side-line.
5. A family dynamic of overworking
With clients who want a good work-life balance, what often emerges is a family history of overworking. This can be from clients of all ages, classes, genders and racial backgrounds. From people who have family that became very wealthy through overwork and feel pressure to do the same. To people who have family from manual professions who had to work all the time to make ends meet. It can almost feel to them like ‘an inheritance’ or duty on them. They can feel that they have no choice but to continue their family working culture. Coaching helps them to realise that they do have a choice. That they don’t need to continue this pattern. They can choose something different.
Five top tips to respond effectively to external work pressures
If your working life is out of balance, then be honest with yourself…
- Admit it;
- Try to see the part you’re playing in it;
- Take steps to change it…
1. Work out the important tasks – and just do those. Or speak to your manager or union rep to address an unrealistic volume of work. Or find a job somewhere better!
2. Research new organisations you want to join – visit them if possible and check out anonymous reviews by their staff.
Get involved in staff consultations to improve practices in your current workplace. If there aren’t any, suggest to your management to start some. Resist pressure to constantly be ‘on call’ if it’s not part of your role.
3. Be clear and consistent with your boundaries with demanding or disorganised colleagues. Instead, support them to address their own poor work practices.
4. Look at the range of options that might suit you to increase your income – promotion, a change of department or employer, a career change, or setting up a business or side-line. Be cautious of increasing your working hours for a long period if this isn’t sustainable.
5. Consider if you are following family or cultural patterns of overworking - make a choice to stop this if it feels unhealthy.
Life Coaching can be the key to help you explore this.
“Be empowered and released to find your own freedom.”
Could life coaching help you? Take these two simple self-assessments here
Want to know more about coaching? Find out here
Take advantage of this month’s 20% discount for coaching sessions here – don’t be an April Fool and miss out!
The next topic in this blog series next Friday –
Get a healthy work-life balance - Part 2 – Dealing with Internal pressures